Insecure mom at grad

Insecure mom

insecure momMy daughter’s graduation happened this past weekend. It has been months in the making, aside from the years it took to get to this point. The dress was $700, the hair was $300 because we HAD to have colour done, the tickets for the dinner were $90 each and then there was the anxiety of attending this event. Crowds make me sweat and it is made worse if I am put in the position of needing to make small talk with

 people whether I know them or not. I ran into former colleague whose son was also graduating and naturally the first thing she asked was,“what’s new?” What IS new? I just spent over $1000 on my 18 year old for a 5 hour event. I considered telling her that I regretted not wearing my Spanx and asking whether she believes HER kids when they tell her, “You look fine Mom.” I think my trust was misplaced when I caught a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror in the bathroom at the event. Instead, deep breath, smile, sit straight, hopefully sound confident and talk about how this is such a fun event. The kids all look great and yes, work is going well. Thankfully she moved on, leaving me to lament that this was an alcohol-free event.

I don’t know how many tables there were in this place but my mine was numbered in the 70s. We had to take turns at the buffet and finally, a half hour later of watching people pass by with their heaping plates of roast beef, it was our turn. I loaded up with everything because going back for seconds was not an option. Not when you have to wind your way past tables and cross the length of the room. I don’t want to be observed having seconds, not without that Spanx.

I was conflicted when the dance portion came. Other than having to conspicuously make my way onto the dance floor to photograph my daughter and husband having the parent/kid dance I didn’t have to move from my seat, but I love music and like dancing when no one is looking. I WANTED to be up there with those free spirits who put their hands in the air and just move their bodies. Not sure I was ever one of those free spirits but I can feel her in me. If I let her out, I would have joined in when the Indian music started for I know how to “screw the light bulb” and “pet the cat”! I would have gone for seconds at that buffet, talked freely to whoever I wanted, and even made my way across the whole length of that room to the coffee pot. Or maybe I should have just had the good sense to pre-drink .

– Insecure Mom